Season Three - Xander Quotes

  • "What am I gonna do? I think about sex all the time! Sex.. Help! Four times five is thirty...five times six is thirty-two... Naked girls. Naked women... Naked Buffy... Oh, stop me!"
  • "Oh, I'm up. I'm suddenly very up. It's just, um, I've never been up with people before"
  • "What, you just tripped and fell on his lips?"
  • "If anyone sees my spine laying around, just try not to step on it."
  • "Excuse me? Who, at a crucial moment, distracted the lead demon by allowing her to pummel him about the head?"
  • "Well, it must be that whole Angel-killed-his-girlfriend-and-tortured-him thing. Hey, Giles is pretty petty when it comes to stuff like that."
  • "Generally speaking, when scary things get scared - not good."
  • "Okay, so one vote from the Old Guy for a Smelly Cheese Night, and how many votes for actual fun, huh?"
  • "I've always been amazed with how Buffy fought, but in a way, I feel like we took her punning for granted."
  • "For what? For Angel to go psycho again the next time you give him a happy?"
  • "Oh, it must be that whole 'Angel killed his girlfriend and tortured him' thing, and Giles is petty when it comes to stuff like that."
  • "The comedy stylings of Miss Cordelia Chase, everyone. Who, incidentally, won't be needing a higher education when she markets her own very successful line of hooker wear"
  • "Will, this is verging on naughty touching, here. Don't want to fall back on bad habits. Hands! Hands in new places"
  • "Oh my god, he's looking at her! He's got his filthy, adult, Pierce-Brosny eyes all over my Cordy"
  • "What am I gonna do? I think about sex all the time. Sex. Help! 4 times 5 is 30. 5 times 6 is 32. Naked girls. Naked women. Naked Buffy. Oh, stop me!"
  • "I need a volunteer to hit Wesley"
  • "Well, it's just good to know that when the chips are down and things look grim, you'll feed on the girl who loves you to save your own ass"