Xander - Quotes

  • "Bad thing"? I was naked. "Bad thing" doesn't cover it"
    Season 1
  • "I laugh in the face of danger, and then I hide until it goes away."
    Season 1
  • "I don't like vampires. I'm going to take a stand and say they're not good."
    Season 1
  • "Come on, Slayer, I like it when you're scared. The more I scare you, the better you smell."
    Season 1
  • "You know, I don't know what everyone's talking about. That outfit doesn't make you look like a hooker"
    Season 1
  • "You're in love with a vampire? What, are you out of your mind?"
    Season 1
  • "You know, Buffy, Spring Fling just isn't any dance. It's a time for students to choose, um, a mate. And then we can observe their mating rituals, and tag them before they migrate...just kill me!"
    Season 1
  • "I guess a guy's gotta' be undead to make time with you."
    Season 1
  • "I don't handle rejection well. Funny, considering all the practice I've had, huh?"
    Season 1
  • "Well, I guess it could be worse. I could have gangrene on my face."
    Season 1
  • "What was he? A-a demon? A giant bug? Some kind of dark god with the secrets of nouvelle cuisine? I mean, we are talking creature- feature here, right?"
    Season 2
  • "I'm seventeen. Looking at linoleum makes me wanna have sex."
    Season 2
  • "Well, let's see, um, six feet tall, claws, a big old snout in the middle of his face like a wolf. Um, yeah, I'm sticking with my first guess."
    Season 2
  • "Are we overlooking the possibility that she may be very attracted to me? ... She's possessed."
    Season 2
  • "Hey, it's me. If Angel's doing something wrong, I wanna' know...'cause it gives me a happy"
    Season 2
  • "Angel's our friend...except I don't like him"
    Season 2
  • "Just meet me at Willow's house in half an hour and wear something trashy...er"
    Season 2
  • "What relationship? I mean, what life could they possibly have together? We're talking obedience school, paper training. Oz is always in the back, burying their thangs, and that kind of breed can turn on its owner"
    Season 2
  • "I made a mess, Giles. See, I found out that Amy's into witchcraft, and I was hurt, I guess, so I made her put the love whammy on Cordy, but it backfired. And now every woman in Sunnydale wants to make me her cuddle monkey. Which may sound swell on paper, but..."
    Season 2
  • "I'm sorry, but let's not forget that I hated Angel long before you guys jumped on the bandwagon. So I think I deserve a little something for not saying 'I told you so' long before now. And if Giles wants to go after the, uh, fiend that murdered his girlfriend, I say, 'Faster, pussycat, kill, kill."
    Season 2
  • "Man, Buffy! My whole life just flashed before my eyes. I gotta' get me a life!"
    Season 2
  • "It's officially nippy. So say my nips"
    Season 2
  • "So this spell might restore Angel's humanity? Well, here's an interesting angle: who cares?"
    Season 2
  • "You can paint this any way you want, but the way I see it is that you wanna' forget all about Ms Calendar's murder so you can get your boyfriend back."
    Season 2
  • "What am I gonna do? I think about sex all the time! Sex.. Help! Four times five is thirty...five times six is thirty-two... Naked girls. Naked women... Naked Buffy... Oh, stop me!"
    Season 3

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